solving between polarized parts = progress
The problem with polarized discourse is that the focus is on who is right and who is wrong, as opposed to what can be agreed upon by both parties involved in a conversation. This type of discourse is specially prevalent in politics. Politicians run their campaigns based on the extreme differences between parties in an effort to win and make the other person lose, rather than working towards a common goal that most people can find safety, happiness and comfort in. Our founding fathers tried to lay this groundwork and it has been skewed over time because competition has taken precedence over the common good. A great documentary on the subject of politics and polarized discourse can be found here.
If leaders spent more time focusing on the integration of these polarized views, they would be more efficient in working towards real solutions. It is the same as the cognitive dissonance that lies within us. As we develop our individual philosophies on what to believe and how to act, we discover new information and knowledge that often contradicts the former opinion we have formed. This is how we progress and how our philosophy gets refined.
For example, when I was in high school, the information I had available was limited (compared to now) and my beliefs were firmly rooted in the culture of being Mexican, catholic, and from a small town. Part of my belief system was based on what I learned from this particular culture, or structure, and it included the belief that people chose to be gay. Of course, I found the "evidence" I needed from sources around me to validate this belief, but it was not until it hit home for me that this belief was challenged. When my beloved cousin, who I love more than anything, came out of the closet... the family was devastated. More than the pain my family was "suffering" was the pain my cousin felt for being honest about who he was.
I remember immediately after the news broke out, I spoke to my cousin on the phone and I could hear his deep sobbing. I had never heard anyone in that much emotional pain and it broke my heart. He was so upset and ashamed for having to admit to himself and everyone else who he was. I could hear how hard it was. In his words and in his voice, I knew that he was even contemplating suicide to escape the pain of not being "normal" or accepted by the family he loved so much. It was in that moment that the lightbulb went off inside my head and I realized that no one would just "choose" to be something that would bring so much pain, prejudice, and fear into their life.
My belief system had been challenged because my cousin would have chosen to be easily loved and accepted by society rather than facing the more difficult, painful road if it was, simply, a choice. His testimony was all I needed to then be open to find and learn new evidence that supported the belief that homosexuality is, in fact, biological. I found evidence of hormonal differences and brain science that supported my new philosophy. His passion for being true to himself, even though it was painful, inspired me to grow and be more authentic. The more I accepted and loved my true self, the more I was accepting of others.
Having to solve between what I thought I understood, and the new, contradictory information I was receiving, caused cognitive dissonance for me. I was faced with having to make new decisions about what to believe, and became a better person for it. That event, 15 years ago now, led to a series of positive changes for me, the family, and my cousin. We were all more tolerant of change as result of his personal growth. His bravery opened up the doors for other family members to come on out of that dark, dingy closet. Now, I have to say, change was simpler for me than it was for some people in the family because I was not carrying any hatred or discrimination in my heart, I just believed it was a chosen lifestyle versus biological. The steps to change were a lot shorter for me than those who have to solve for a more extensive, contradictory belief system.
The road to solving between our polarized beliefs has to start somewhere and it requires a lot of love, patience, and tolerance for those who are ignorant to the solution. If someone was intolerant, or hated me back then for believing what I believed, I would have been more inclined to defend my position rather than being open to learn a better way. Loving someone through their ignorance is a hard thing to do, but it is certainly the most effective way to change something.
If leaders spent more time focusing on the integration of these polarized views, they would be more efficient in working towards real solutions. It is the same as the cognitive dissonance that lies within us. As we develop our individual philosophies on what to believe and how to act, we discover new information and knowledge that often contradicts the former opinion we have formed. This is how we progress and how our philosophy gets refined.
For example, when I was in high school, the information I had available was limited (compared to now) and my beliefs were firmly rooted in the culture of being Mexican, catholic, and from a small town. Part of my belief system was based on what I learned from this particular culture, or structure, and it included the belief that people chose to be gay. Of course, I found the "evidence" I needed from sources around me to validate this belief, but it was not until it hit home for me that this belief was challenged. When my beloved cousin, who I love more than anything, came out of the closet... the family was devastated. More than the pain my family was "suffering" was the pain my cousin felt for being honest about who he was.
I remember immediately after the news broke out, I spoke to my cousin on the phone and I could hear his deep sobbing. I had never heard anyone in that much emotional pain and it broke my heart. He was so upset and ashamed for having to admit to himself and everyone else who he was. I could hear how hard it was. In his words and in his voice, I knew that he was even contemplating suicide to escape the pain of not being "normal" or accepted by the family he loved so much. It was in that moment that the lightbulb went off inside my head and I realized that no one would just "choose" to be something that would bring so much pain, prejudice, and fear into their life.
My belief system had been challenged because my cousin would have chosen to be easily loved and accepted by society rather than facing the more difficult, painful road if it was, simply, a choice. His testimony was all I needed to then be open to find and learn new evidence that supported the belief that homosexuality is, in fact, biological. I found evidence of hormonal differences and brain science that supported my new philosophy. His passion for being true to himself, even though it was painful, inspired me to grow and be more authentic. The more I accepted and loved my true self, the more I was accepting of others.
Having to solve between what I thought I understood, and the new, contradictory information I was receiving, caused cognitive dissonance for me. I was faced with having to make new decisions about what to believe, and became a better person for it. That event, 15 years ago now, led to a series of positive changes for me, the family, and my cousin. We were all more tolerant of change as result of his personal growth. His bravery opened up the doors for other family members to come on out of that dark, dingy closet. Now, I have to say, change was simpler for me than it was for some people in the family because I was not carrying any hatred or discrimination in my heart, I just believed it was a chosen lifestyle versus biological. The steps to change were a lot shorter for me than those who have to solve for a more extensive, contradictory belief system.
The road to solving between our polarized beliefs has to start somewhere and it requires a lot of love, patience, and tolerance for those who are ignorant to the solution. If someone was intolerant, or hated me back then for believing what I believed, I would have been more inclined to defend my position rather than being open to learn a better way. Loving someone through their ignorance is a hard thing to do, but it is certainly the most effective way to change something.
